How to tame your fear

How to tame your fear

The news is currently looping around confinement, post-confinement, Covid-19 and its consequences. There are happy consequences, such as solidarity movements, the healing of people with covid-19, even the elderly, and that is heartening.

There are also dramatic consequences. Many people recount their feelings of fear, loneliness, separation, sometimes disarray, and also powerlessness at the announcement of the death of a loved one. And death does not distinguish race, color or social status.

Health personnel, even if they don’t give up, are alone, abandoned and forgotten. In hospitals or nursing homes they are usually full of life we hear, but the smiles are starting to fade. And yet, life goes on.

Life confronts us with wounds, misfortunes, injustices, and we suffer. In reality, the human mind suffers from an archaism which, throughout its history, has nevertheless allowed it to survive is fear. It is one of the primitive layers of our reptilian brain, a legacy we must learn to live with. The result of this fear is the set of emotions that make humanity suffer.

All humans suffer from the same emotion. An emotion that can be soothed, tamed, by trying to understand the manifestations of fear and its original cause.

Accepting the fear

The fear is something that many people experience. It can be difficult to get over the fear, but it is important to do so if one wants to achieve success in life. Accepting the fear can be a daunting task, but with practice it can be conquered. Keep in mind that there is a fear in all of us, a fear of the unknown. It’s a natural instinct to want to run away from anything that makes us scared, but sometimes we have to face our fears if we want to grow.

Why you shouldn’t resist your emotions

Resisting emotions reinforces/amplifies the manifestation of our emotions. Worse, if I repress my emotions, they will come out in an even more exacerbated way. The energy balance of all this is disastrous, we spend energy to create the emotion and we spend energy to fight against what we have created.

The mismanagement of emotions and our emotional reality makes us exhausted people in life because we permanently compress the emotions that would like to do their job in peace. This could lead to burnout.

If I don’t express my emotions, they will imprint themselves on the body, which risks somatizing and which can go so far as to bring out a disease.

What’s accepting your fears

Welcoming one’s fears means recognizing them, accepting them and observing them. And above all to stop opposing it. But not only that, it also and above all means taking some distance, connecting to them and naming them.  And this is already a difficult exercise for some.

Because if you associate with your emotions, it will be extremely difficult to detach yourself from them and observe them. You cannot be the observer and the observed at the same time.

An example: Avoid saying for example “I am angry” but rather “I feel angry”.

How to accept your fears

Accepting your emotions is a real work on yourself. It means developing a true awareness of one’s internal states. And our conscience, well, it can arise on our mind, on our emotions or on our actions.

And to develop this consciousness, it is necessary to silence the mind, to relearn how to create a vacuum, to regain immobility and therefore to stop mental agitation of any kind.

How to stop the agitation

It’s a workout! Think of it as a process.

Stopping agitation means learning to turn off autopilot and return to attention. We learn to write, to read, we develop our muscles. so we have to also learn to control our mind, our spirit.

Yoga or meditation make it possible to achieve this inner silence, for example but not only.

What does consciousness allow?

Fear is an archaism inherited from our ancestors, and it is a very cumbersome legacy.

Because it acts without our knowledge, at least at the conscious level, and decides for itself, in complete autonomy, the level of seriousness of the alerting of our organism and our conscience. Without asking our opinion!

As human beings, our intelligence allows us to identify where our reactions may come from. In particular, it allows us to distinguish emotional reactions from rational reactions.

And our attention, our awareness, allows us to distinguish emotions from facts.

Faced with fear, our conscience allows us above all not to become attached, nor to identify with our emotions. And it is extremely important to tame your fears!

Find out the problem

It’s the same problem when we identify too much with things, we put or we are given labels. Like identifying with your job, for example.

Not identifying allows you to begin to distance yourself from your emotions without denying them and to be more factual about what you feel.

In constructive or non-violent communication, we also learn to distinguish 2 essential things. They are the object and the subject of a conversation.

Think of it like this, when you say my pen or when you say the pen. By identifying the pen as my you claim it as objective point of view

If you have an unpleasant emotion, such as fear, avoid saying, I’m afraid to identify your being with the emotion, but I feel fear.

This is an important step in understanding that our emotions are a state, not the complete reality of our being.

This is what I teach in my training in constructive communication, especially in learning assertiveness or self-affirmation.

How to react to fear?

If the danger is real and the fear is legitimate, it requires an appropriate, appropriate reaction. It’s better to live your emotions.

Faced with danger, it is not a question of denying or repressing unpleasant emotions. It is clear that if a bomb explodes around us, the best solution is to flee! But today, there are no bombs on our side.

On the other hand, we are led to confine ourselves, to stay at home and to learn, for those who feel the need, to tame their emotions and their fears.

The principle is to welcome, connect, follow your emotion, name it and express it!

So recognizing them, verbalizing them or even writing them down is the first step in accepting your emotions. In any case, still according to cognitive psychology, it helps to “appease his fears”.

It is a possible solution to tame his fear.

Accepting alone isn’t enough all the times

Sometimes, for certain fears, it is necessary to use what are called processes of fluidification and transmutation of emotions in very sensitive cases.

In short, here is the process of thinning out that I suggest to you to tame your fears is the following.

Connect to your emotion and welcome your emotion. Recognize and accept to feel this emotion. Track and name this emotion, but don’t identify with your emotion.

Write down or talk about your fears and worries as an “object” of observation. Talking too much about them won’t help either. Identify corresponding needs. Ask or act or acts in conscience to feed your need

This process, you can apply it for any fear, and of course for the fear linked to Covid-19.

Obviously, this process has limits, it sometimes requires training or the support of a professional accompaniment.

As I told you, it is sometimes necessary to resort to a process of transmutation of emotions that I cannot detail here.

Use your judgment

In all cases, but especially in more difficult cases, such as the loss of a loved one.

Because when we talk about fear, there are those that we can feel for ourselves or for others. One of the trickiest fears is that of losing a loved one.

This can send us back to the subject of death. And unfortunately, in our so-called modern, materialistic, scientist societies, it has become a taboo!

Besides, observe, we no longer or almost no longer respect rituals to celebrate death.

Why is it difficult to use the word death?

I think death is scary because it’s an unknown. As no one can say what happens after death, and as science has not demonstrated anything on this subject, we prefer to stay in denial.

But precisely, the denial, it is the second stage of the process of the mourning.

And this is unique to our culture, there are many other cultures that dare to look death in the face. And remember what I said to you in the introduction: “Everything I resist persists, everything I face fades…”

Besides, I feel quite shocked to see that our western world which believes in continuous growth will soon believe in immortality! I heard about “augmented man” now it’s “immortal man”

Death is a part of life

Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? The film features a character who reluctantly relives the same day, starts the same day over and over again each time his alarm clock rings: he seems stuck in time until he has made sense to his life.

 Well precisely, I think it’s time to reintegrate into our societies, a little philosophy, wisdom, quite simply humanity!

So the recourse to human judgment is to recognize the timeless aspect of things and to recognize Death as part of Life!

We must therefore learn to rethink our relationship to death and life. But also rethinking progress.

Integrate philosophy and wisdom into our lives

By incorporating a bit of philosophy and wisdom into our lives.

what is philosophy?

Definition:  Set of conceptions bearing on the principles of beings and things, on the role of man in the universe, on God, on history and, in general, on all the major problems of metaphysics.

Etymology:  The word “philosophy” is a word of Greek origin: it comes directly from (philosophia). It breaks down into philo- (verb philein: to love, to seek) on the one hand, and, on the other hand, -sophie (noun sophia: knowledge, knowledge, wisdom).

Literally, philosophy is the love of wisdom or knowledge .

what is wisdom?

Definition:  Quality of someone who demonstrates sound judgment, sure, informed in his decisions, his actions. Quality of someone who acts with prudence and moderation; character of his action. Temperance, moderation in desires, pleasures, food, drink, etc.

Eastern wisdom  : Higher ideal of life proposed by a moral or philosophical doctrine; behavior of someone who conforms to it.

Wisdom could also be related to the innocence of the child.

the difference between child and adult?

The child is innocent, the adult is knowledgeable, he has acquired “knowledge”. Knowledge is the means we have to communicate with others.

However, I have a question for you:

Is this knowledge not deluded? Conditioned?

Is it not conditioned by beliefs, certainties linked to our education, our culture, our religions?

To use the words of Alice Miller (Swiss doctor in philosophy, psychology and sociology and researcher on childhood), hasn’t the adult been domesticated rather than educated?

And don’t our beliefs about death lock us in and cause the manifestations of fear?

WHAT IS A SAGE?

I deplore the current deaths linked to Covid-19 and at the same time I hope that this pandemic will make us aware of the new path to consider and, even if I fear difficult months ahead, from a social and economic, I have good hope for a better future.

From my point of view, we are not living a change but a real transition and I would like to share with you my vision, in a future article, in other words how to better live the transitions and the paradigm shift that we are certainly in the process of to live.

The conclusion

We often consider fear as an alarm system or an alert system linked to our archaic system, but I invite you to another question:

What if fear and love were only one reality of the same facet and love was the antidote to fear? You know like Dry Hyde and Mr. Jekyll.

I hypothesize, like the Toltec’s, that it is linked to our lack of love. To the fact that we are not able to love, to love ourselves, to love ourselves.

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